The Neurotical Hallucinations Of ~*Play Dead*~
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
~*Play Dead*~'s LiveJournal:
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| Friday, February 11th, 2011 | | 12:49 pm |
| | 12:17 am |
| | Monday, November 8th, 2010 | | 4:42 pm |
| | Sunday, January 24th, 2010 | | 9:40 pm |
Seize The Day
I can safely say that this has been one of the weekends from Hell without a doubt. I was alone the entire time and forced to face my own thoughts which is honestly never a good thing. Well, how could it be when the thoughts that you face would scare even the craziest of fucking psychopaths? That was a main reason as to why I'm constantly taking a cocktail strong enough to knock out a damn elephant, I just don't want to deal with my constant thoughts of insanity. Now, some may think that only one thing is causing my eventual downward spiral for the millionth time, but in reality, I don't give a flying fuck about that 'thing.' People may think otherwise, but it's true. That thing does not phase me, nor does it squeeze out one ounce of compassion from me or ever will in my lifetime. Anyway, this weekend of solitude led me to watch movies instead of complete and utter insanity which I guess could be considered a bit better in the long run. When it comes time for me to actually get out of bed and join the semi-real world (I say semi because I live in my head half of the time anyway) once again, then I might wish for insanity, but I'll figure that out tomorrow. So, in the mist of my movie madness over the past two days I figured out that I really only watch movies now that will make me think, make me weep, make me even more on the verge of a breakdown if that's even humanly possible. It made me absolutely despise slapstick comedy and anything less of a gut-wrenching film that will leave me pondering its significance now in my life since I spent two hours of my nothingness to pay attention to it. And as I waited for my next film to load on my laptop (since I'm obviously too unstable to get out of bed and go to the video store...and too cheap) I figured out that life truly does imitate art. Every single movie I watched sparked something in me, be it anger, compassion, fear, depression, it didn't matter. The events in those films really do happen in everyday life and that's honestly fucking frightening, but deep down I've been living all of those films and everything on the screen for awhile now. That's the beauty of art as well as its curse: life imitates it. So, by watching all of these movies one after the other with really no breaks with the exception of letting them load a bit more so they didn't lag I learned, sort of, how I wanted to live my life. Now, I say sort of because I don't think I'll ever know just how to live my life and I probably never will. I'm trying to work on that, though. But, getting back to the lessons learned this weekend, I figured out some stuff and I was moved by each and every scene that I saw. I learned to stick up for somebody that you care about even if it risks expulsion or termination, to never believe more than you know without the chance of being proven wrong by a wiser person than yourself, to not be afraid to play a joke on life instead of letting life play the joke on you, and, most importantly, to realize that the same life that you want to mess with and play the joke on will eventually end. Think about that because if you don't, if you just block it out of your mind and think about all the stupid, insignificant stuff that really doesn't matter in the long run, then what's the point? Movies to consider watching: Dead Poets Society Good Will Hunting Man On The Moon My Life Without Me Also, I highly recommend going on a bender of listening to nothing but The Shins. Trust me. Current Mood:  angry | | Thursday, November 26th, 2009 | | 11:56 pm |
The Feast of Shut the FUCK Up.
Okay, so, once again, I haven't updated in a very long time, but since it's a holiday I'll keep up the tradition of blogging about it. This Thanksgiving was normal...filled with annoyance, but still somewhat fun. But, the thing I really wanted to talk about was primarily the shit going on at school. I have somebody there and I can't really elaborate too much on it, but I really do care about him. Problem is, I don't think he wants an actual relationship. Granted, it would be quite hard to maintain a relationship with him, but still. I really want it. At the moment, I really just want a relationship in general. I want somebody to actually love me, to care about me, but I know that it's just not going to happen. There's not a moment where I don't want to be with him and it's just so fucked up. This is the worse blog on the face of the fucking planet, but I'm still fucking annoyed about earlier events and I just can't concentrate. Oh well, I'll try to update more. Neurotically Yours, Play Dead PS: Happy Thanksgiving Current Mood: aggravated | | Monday, August 24th, 2009 | | 12:15 am |
Forgetting You, But Not The Time
Tonight is my last night before I go back to school tomorrow, as well as a few other people, and for some reason, it's a lot more poignant than it was last year. A few of us are sophomores now and a few are freshman, but it all seems like we've never experienced any of it before. It's all feeling so new right now and I have a good feeling why. This summer has been like a roller coaster. Personally, I've gotten closer to people while drifted from others, but tonight we all came together for one last night and it was amazing. Everybody was together, laughing, sharing stories, telling jokes, and just being friends which we haven't been in a long time. At first I thought that this summer was just shit, but now that I look back on it, it helped me grow more than I thought. I had my first job which sucked ass, but it gave me some work ethic and experience that can help me get a better summer job next year. I went to PRIDE, Green Day, Warped Tour, and Comic-Con and had the time of my fucking life at all of them, went to three Victor Drake events and loved each one (Technicolor came out on top, though), and finally got a damn laptop. I've bonded with people, fought with people, been dangling on the edge many times, and had experiences and conversations that I never thought I would have, but I don't regret a single day of it. As hard as it was sometimes, I wouldn't trade this summer for anything in the world. So, to Nicole, Jaz, Jackie, Joel, Sean, and Amanda, I wish you all the luck at school and I hope that you can relate to this post, as well as everybody else who reads this. We are young and we are talented, and we have the world waiting for us to take it over. When we look back on our teenage life, we may not remember the place, the day, the names, or even the faces, but we will definitely remember the time. And I find comfort in knowing that I was a part of peoples' memories and they were a part of mine. To quote Green Day: "And in the darkest night If my memory serves me right I'll never turn back time Forgetting you, but not the time." Good luck in all you do and never, ever forget this time. Neurotically Yours, Play Dead Current Mood:  creative | | Tuesday, August 11th, 2009 | | 4:25 am |
| | Thursday, July 23rd, 2009 | | 12:18 am |
Like puzzle pieces from the clay...
"Such Great Heights" by Iron and Wine I am thinking it's a sign That the freckles in our eyes Are mirror images and when we kiss They're perfectly aligned And I have to speculate That God himself did make us Into corresponding shapes Like puzzle pieces from the clay And true it may seem like a stretch But it's thoughts like this that catch My troubled head when you're away When I am missing you to death When you are out there on the road For several weeks of shows And when you scan the radio I hope this song will guide you home They will see us waving from such great heights Come down now, they'll say But everything looks perfect from far away Come down now but we'll stay I've tried my best to leave This all on your machine But the persistent beat It sounded thin upon listening And that frankly will not fly You'll hear the shrillest highs And lowest lows with the windows down When this is guiding you home They will see us waving from such great heights Come down now, they'll say But everything looks perfect from far away Come down now but we'll stay "You're constantly looking for that one piece until somebody hands it to you and says, 'I believe you were looking for this.'" Current Mood:  sad | | Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009 | | 11:27 pm |
I was waiting for my hearse, what came next was so much worse...
Addiction: A chronic relapsing condition characterized by compulsive drug-seeking and abuse and by long-lasting chemical changes in the brain. Addiction is the same irrespective of whether the drug is alcohol, amphetamines, cocaine, heroin, marijuana, or nicotine. Every addictive substance induces pleasant states or relieves distress. Continued use of the addictive substance induces adaptive changes in the brain that lead to tolerance, physical dependence, uncontrollable craving and, all too often, relapse. Dependence is at such a point that stopping is very difficult and causes severe physical and mental reactions from withdrawal. Addiction: When you can give up something any time, as long as it's next Tuesday. So, anybody that has read my jounral over the years that I've had it have read about my struggles with many types of addictions and how it's quite hard to stay clean. But, I was clean. Keyword: Was. I'm not clean anymore, and I've struggled with admitting that fact to not only my journal, but to myself. I just wanted to deny the fact that I failed miserably at trying to lead a normal life so I wouldn't have to beat myself up anymore than I already did. But, I've let that go. At the moment, I'm on valium and pain killers, sometimes alcohol. Why am I admitting this when I know I'll most likely get some serious bitching from people? Because I want to teach a lesson. It doesn't fucking matter how glamourous something looks or how fun it may seem. It fucking sucks and it doesn't make a Goddamn bit of difference what drug it is, it's all the same. I really don't know what's keeping me from going and getting a bag of coke right now (since I obviously know where to get it), and snorting the shit out of it. I'd be away from all my problems, my insecurities, my saddness, my loneliness...come to think of it, there really isn't much. Now, people who have never done drugs, or dealt with a person on drugs may think that it'd be great to escape your problems, to not have to feel any emotions whatsoever except happiness. Okay, let's go with that. You go completely numb after shooting some coke or heroin, you forget about your feelings, your problems, your mind is erased. Awesome, that kicks ass. Then, the high wears off. Now what? More coke! And it turns into this cycle of, "Oh, if I just take this, then everything will be all better." Uh, no. Eventually, the coke runs out, as well as every other drug in the world. It all runs out, then you're left to face these issues you were running from the entire time, except they're 100 times worse than before. Then, guess what? You'll go through your entire life always wanting that high back and never being able to properly face your problems. I don't care what treatment you get, what therapy you get, none of that shit helps. Sure, it's nice to get things out of your system, but in the long run you will always, ALWAYS be an addict. Which is what I am. I'm a fucking addict and I always will be an addict up until the day I die. It's who I am, I'll never be better. The only thing that could change is the day that I actually die, be it natural or from an overdose. I will never EVER be normal, I will never EVER be completely happy without a drug to do it for me, and I will never EVER not be an addict. It sucks and I'll hate myself for the rest of my life for doing the shit I did to make me this way. But, I did it and I have to live with it for the rest of my life. So, to all of you drug-virgins, keep this in mind: I was clean for seven months in the past five years. I thought I was clean for two of those years. Turns out, it was just my mind messing with me. The joke's on me, I guess. Neurotically Yours, Play Dead Current Mood: cynical | | Wednesday, July 15th, 2009 | | 12:01 am |
Sing Me To Sleep...
After much debate and questioning, I think that I should probably just embrace the fact that I'm pretty much alone. Physically I'm not, but emotionally I am for the most part. Nobody knows what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling, what I'm truly longing for. But, think about, who really cares in the long run? I don't mean that in a pity way, I'm being serious. With all the shit that goes on with everybody, who really gives a flying fuck about what I feel? I'll be completely honest and say that there are a very select few that I truly and deeply care about and would literally do anything for. And I'll also be honest and say that I put everything that I have out for them. But, I seriously need to quit expecting the same for me. I have such high expectations that I know will probably never be met in my life, yet I still get hurt every single time one of them isn't met. Why is that? Is it because I attach easily to people I connect with and I expect the same energy I put out to be given back? Or is it because I'm just so used to getting hurt that I look for things to hurt me for the familiar feeling of it? I don't know who will read this or who will put much thought into it, but at the moment, I don't have high hopes for responses. Why should I? I need to learn to get through things on my own rather than need to have somebody tell me that I'm needed or I'm wanted to survive. It still begs the question of why I put myself in these situations. I don't want to get too deep into detail right now, but I got really hurt recently. Well, not recently, but recent enough to where it's relevent and I don't know why I let myself get my hopes up or think that something good was going to come out of things, but I did and I'm an idiot for it. It only hurt me like all hell and I'm still hurting from it. It all just goes back to the fact that I expect too much. Or at least as much as I give out. So, now I feel like I have this cut on me. It starts to scab over and heal, but then once it looks like it's beginning to dry up I pick at it and it turns into this open wound all over again. I just can't let it heal and turn into a scar. I have to keep picking and opening it again. And I don't know what to do about it. I can truly say that I don't think I've ever been this hurt before. And I know it's all my fault for letting myself get this way and think this way, but I can't help it. I just want to fucking scream and cry and hit and yell even though I know I can't. It hurts SO bad and there's no way that anybody could even possibly know just how bad it really does hurt. And because of that there's no way to heal because I can't relate to anybody. But, it's my fault. And I literally hate myself for it. I'm just really tired of being alone. And I'm tired of getting hurt. But nobody can take the pain away. Or at least nobody has offered...then again, who would want to? I want to stay asleep... Neurotically Yours, Play Dead Current Mood: crushed | | Sunday, July 12th, 2009 | | 12:51 pm |
I Never Made It As A Working Class Hero
I feel like I've written this blog already, but I'm going to say it again. This summer sucked and it's not even over yet. Last year I wrote basically the same thing about how summer blew hardcore, but I think this one sucks as well. Nobody likes eachother anymore (but I can live with that for the most part), there's hardly any fun time since Round the Clock basically blows now, The Fun Center is gone, and Zaks is freakishly expensive now, and everybody seems to be miserable. Now, I'm not saying that the fun I've been having isn't good enough because I wouldn't trade the things I've done with people this summer for the world, but it just seems like the group fun is gone. And, honestly, I can learn to accept it. Yes, those times were fun, but I have a strong feeling that I'm not going to get those times back. So, why should I fight it? I've become perfectly content with working (well, not really, but what're you gonna do?), the either going to Nicole's, RTC, or home, roleplaying online all night, twittering like man, then going on adventures on my days off. Sure, it sucks that nobody really wants to be with eachother anymore, but like I said, I'm trying to accept it as people growing up, growing apart. It happens. And all that matters to me is the friends that stuck around are the friends that want to be around. Why should I beg people to hangout with me? Well, that rant is done. I fucked up my shoulder at work, so I now have Frozen Shoulder. But, the doctor gave me pain meds and exercises to do, so hopefully that'll help. If it doesn't get better in three weeks I have to go to more doctors and physical therapy. So, we'll see. Green Day is tomorrow, hot damn! It's going to be weird, though, not going at the ass crack of dawn to drive to Chicago and wait in line for twelve hours. I'm not a big fan of arena shows, but considering I have a fucked up shoulder, I'll be glad to not have to deal with mosh pits which are lethal at a Green Day show. Our seats may not be amazing, but hey, we're going, so what the fuck ever. I'm just happy I get to see them. Right now, I just want my work shift to go by fast since I've been dealing with some real jag offs there and I just want some peace for awhile. I was supposed to stay at work until the 20th of August, but I'm definitely quitting sooner. I can't take that shit there. Well, that's about it. I'm finishing up my coffee and about to do a post for me and Nicole's roleplay, so I just felt like updating a bit. Neurotically Yours, Play Dead Current Mood:  apathetic | | Wednesday, July 8th, 2009 | | 1:20 pm |
Do You Know What's Worth Fighting For?
So, it's been about two weeks since my last update and I figured while I'm making my morning coffee I'd give a little glimpse into the world of Play Dead as of now. I hate my job, but that's to be expected. Some of the people there are nice, so that's a plus since they kind of make it fun. I got my first paycheck which was over $300 and I think that's pretty good. It's money for my laptop (as well as other stuff...oy...), so I'll obviously have to put up with it. Nicole and I got inked last Friday night. She got a black umbrella with pink lines and I got a pink one with black lines. It symbolizes a lot for us, the umbrella, the colors, all of it. Our tattoo guy did a great job, but it's starting to itch like hell. That's one thing I didn't miss about the healing process. Anyway, I had to work on 4th of July until midnight, so I just went to Nicole's which just adds more fuel to the fire as to why I hate my job more than anything. The Green Day concert is on Monday and I'm excited as hell. It finally hit me that it's coming up, so Green Day has been blaring since yesterday. I'm completely obsessed with "21 Guns" which is playing right now. It's such a perfect song for me at the moment and that brings me to my next topic: I feel like hell. I mean, I always feel like shit, but I've been on a low a lot lately. I hate my job, there's fucking drama all the damn time, I'm fighting with the fact that I miss school, but I don't want to leave my friends again. "21 Guns" is sort of about giving in, so I guess it fits pretty damn well. I just want to give in. Aside from that shit, there's nothing really new. I ordered the Venganza! vest from My Chemical Romance as well as the Mikey Fuckin' Way t-shirt, so I'm waiting for that to come in. After the Green Day concert I'm hoping I can stop spending so much fucking money for awhile. I really need to save for this damn laptop, but like "21 Guns" I'm ready to just give the fuck up. And, yes, I know I didn't need the My Chem shit, but like my last post, I'm going to do what the fuck I want to do. Deal. Neurotically Yours, Play Dead Current Mood: disappointed | | Thursday, June 18th, 2009 | | 10:25 am |
House Of Wolves
This song seems extremely appropriate for me lately. If you question it, then maybe you should take the advice in the song. If you smile, then you know what I'm talking about. And, if you get pissed, then get the fuck over it. "And I'll say what I wanna say, Tell me I'm an angel, Take this to my grave, Tell me I'm a bad man, Kick me like a stray, Tell me I'm an angel, Take this to my grave..." -My Chemical Romance Take it as you will... Neurotically Yours, Play Dead Current Mood:  devious | | Sunday, June 14th, 2009 | | 7:11 pm |
Infinite
I'm feeling a shit load of guilt lately. It could just be the anxiety getting to me, but whatever it is, it's pretty bad. I feel like I haven't been there for people who needed me. I feel like I've neglected the people I love the most. I feel like a failure. I feel like I'm useless. I feel like I'm nothing. And I feel like I'm a shit friend. And I'm sorry if I hurt anybody. From The Perks of Being a Wallflower (because it's the only book I've ever felt like I was reading my own diary): Once on a yellow paper with green lines he wrote a poem And he called it "Chops" because that was the name of his dog And that's what it was all about And his teacher gave him an A and a gold star And his mother hung it on the kitchen door and read it to his aunts That was the year Father Tracy took all the kids to the zoo And he let them sing on the bus And his little sister was born with his tiny toenails and no hair And his mother and father kissed a lot And the girl around the corner sent him a Valentine signed with a row of X's and he asked his father what the X's meant And his father always tucked him in bed at night And was always there to do it Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines he wrote a poem And he called it "Autumn" because that was the name of the season And that's what it was all about And his teacher gave him an A and asked him to write more clearly And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because of its new paint And the kids told him that Father Tracy smoked cigars And left butts on the pews And something they would burn holes That was the year his sister got glasses with thick lenses and black frames And the girl around the corner laughed when he asked her to go see Santa Claus And the kids told him why his mother and father kissed a lot And his father never tucked him in bed at night And his father got mad when he cried for him to do it. Once on a paper torn from his notebook he wrote a poem And he called it "Innocence: A Question" because that was the question about his girl And that's what it was all about And his professor gave him an A and a strange steady look And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door becuase he never showed her That was the year that Father Tracy died and he forgot how the end of the Apostle's Creed went And he caught his sister making out on the back porch And his mother and father never kissed or even talked And the girl around the corner wore too much makeup That made him cough when he kissed her but he kissed her anyway because that was the thing to do And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed his father snoring loudly. That's why on the back of a brown paper bag he tried another poem And he called it "Absolutely Nothing" Because that's what it was really all about And he gave himself an A and a slash on each damned wrist And he hung it on the bathroom door because this time he didn't think he could reach the kitchen. But unlike the book, I don't feel infinite. Neurotically Yours, Play Dead Current Mood: depressed | | Thursday, June 11th, 2009 | | 12:54 pm |
The 7th Circle Of Hell
I got a job at Strack's aka: The 7th Circle of Hell. Now, yes, I need a job. I have some expenses that I need to take care of like car insurance, getting a lap top for school, paying for my choir trip to New York, among other things. I fully understand this need to do something for a certain amount of hours in a day, get a piece of paper every two weeks, then turn it in for the amount of money the government left you to survive. I'm 19, I get it. But, the thing that's bugging me is the fact that it's fucking summer. I worked my ass off at school all year, got a fucking sweet job offer at school that is now mine until I graduate, and I'm home for summer vacation. Key word: vacation. When I get into the real world I won't get summer vacations, thank you, I get it. But, I'm still not technically in the real world, so what the fuck is the point? Especially working at a job that has absolutely to do with my major and won't help me jack shit on a resume. Awesome. Yeah, it's childish, but I just needed to rant that one out. Sure, working at a place like that couldn't be too bad, at least I hope. My orientation is today at 4, and I'm slightly nervous because 1) My mind tends to zone the fuck out when it comes to watching videos, 2) I've seen the crazy fucks that come out of Strack's, and 3) I've never worked a cash register in my life. What if I fuck up with money? My damn mother works for the company, so if I get fired could you imagine what she would say to me? Actually, at this point, I don't give a shit. Everybody is entitled to one shitty job in their life and I'll be damned I'll ever work there again. So, wish me luck readers. Oh, and I've made the discovery that Captin Crunch is slightly addicting...I have a feeling I'm going to turn into Gerard Way with his Frankenberry. Read their blog. Neurotically Yours, Play Dead Current Mood: pissed off | | Thursday, June 4th, 2009 | | 1:34 pm |
Raped by Mobile Internet
As much as I hate to admit it and for as long as I tried to fight it off, I'm afraid the inevitable has happened. Technology has seduced me, bought me dinner, had it's way with me...and I liked it. Damnit. I've always been opposed to a lot of new technology mainly because I didn't feel like we needed it in the world. I mean, who the fuck really needs an iPhone? Well, I do, that's who. Okay, so maybe I don't exactly need something as extreme as an iPhone, but these new keyboard phones kick some ass and I'm really starting to want one. The only problem is that I only have 400 texts a month and can't get the internet on mobile. So, what the fuck is the point of having a super sweet phone like that? There isn't. Now, some may ask why I would even need a phone like that since I'm perfectly content with my Razr. The answer: Twitter. Yes, because I don't twitter enough at home as it is, I need to have access to the amazingly addictive website on the road just in case I have the urge to let people know exactly what I'm doing at every moment of the day even though it's normally just hanging with Nicole, hanging with Lara, or hanging out with Nicole AND Lara, all while listening to My Chemical Romance non-stop. Still, I want a motherfucking phone with some bitching apps and some damn good internet service. It's scary to think about. I could end up being one of those people that constantly has her phone out, twittering everything she sees, downloading new apps just for the hell of it, and listening to a bunch of different music all while ordering a double shot nonfat skim milk latte with a bagel and cream cheese from Starbucks, bitching why Starbucks is non-smoking...okay, well...maybe I don't need a phone to be that girl. >.> Damn. Now I want Starbucks. FML. Neurotically Yours, Play Dead Current Mood:  crazy | | Wednesday, May 27th, 2009 | | 11:21 pm |
Lil' Bandit
Congrats to Gerard Way on his first born daughter and the first My Chemical Romance baby: Bandit Lee Way!!!! <33333333 Also, congrats to Mikey Way for being an uncle!!! Him and Alicia need to get on the baby train soon! I'm a fangirl. Neurotically Yours, Play Dead EDIT: Jaz, you fucked up. Bandit's a girl. Thanks for informing us wrong. :-p Current Mood:  pleased | | Wednesday, May 13th, 2009 | | 12:49 am |
Question For My Friends on LJ
To all the fan fic readers: Why is everything sucking lately? Is it just me, or are there shitty plot lines, bad dialoge, and very bad character impressions? I need my fan fics back, damnit, and I asked myself a few minutes ago, "What, do I need to write them myself?" And the answer, yes. I need to start writing again, even though I've been saying that. I have a Bert and Gerard story I've been working on which is completely new territory for me, but I think it may work out. But, in the meantime, please get better fan fics. I'm begging the writers with all of my little, black heart. (And I'm not bashing anybody. I meant this entry to be somewhat blunt. No one needs to get pissy.) Neurotically Yours, Play Dead Current Mood: bored | | Friday, May 8th, 2009 | | 1:00 am |
I Need To Learn To Accept...:Concerts
This is the first of a few entries entitled, "I Need To Learn to Accept..." in which I write about all the things in my life I need to learn to deal with and eventually accept. This one may be extremely childish, but I have a feeling a lot of these will be. Still, I have issues with things that I need to get sorted out. Also, since I won't be back in therapy until school starts again I have to find an outlet to deal with this shit. So, here we go. I need to learn to accept that I can't go see every band in concert. For some reason, this pisses me off. I'm not sure if it's because music is the one thing in the world I can count on or what, but I find it very distressing when I can't go to a concert. It's so unbelievably childish to think that way and I'm embarrassed to even write about it, but it's still there. Now, normally I would be able to go to the concerts I want to, but this summer I have to work. Fuck me. I don't mind doing it except I don't know what days I can and can't get off to do things. As of now, I'm just praying I could go to PRIDE this year... I was planning on going to bed right now, but after reading a new article I saw on Comcast this just got sparked. Like I said before, I don't know if I'm just "concert spoiled" or what it is, but it seems like whenever I have to miss out on a concert I get on a really bad low. I literally NEED to go to concerts. It gives me fuel to go on, as cheesy and pathetic as that sounds. And now, if I don't end up going to the one at the top of my list, I'll probably be a complete and utter bitch on July 13. Anyway, if anybody reads this, please don't say, "Oh, grow up it's just a concert," "You can't get everything you want," or "You're making a big deal out of it." That's not it at all. I don't want to whine to people, hence why I write on here. I just need to get things out and I don't want to be one of those people who bitch and moan over every little fucking thing. This is just one of the things I noticed that I need to learn to accept. So, please, refrain from calling me spoiled. I'm just music addict who's feeling withdrawal... Neurotically Yours, Play Dead Current Mood: aggravated | | Monday, May 4th, 2009 | | 12:13 am |
Furry Midnight Visitors and Too Many Mugs
Coffee Count: 6 Cups There's some fucking crazy shit in my backyard at the moment. First, I'm sitting here RPing with Lara, when all of a sudden I hear these dogs start barking...expect they weren't exactly dogs. They're are fucking coyotes! Okei, so I have coyotes behind the fence, whatever. I live in front of the woods, so no big deal, right? Ha, you thought wrong. Maybe ten minutes later I start to hear rustling in the back. I'm sitting right near the open window in the computer room and as I'm reading fanfics about Green Day (shut up, Lara), I'm beginning to listen a little more closely. Suddenly, rustling turns into full blown, motherfucking footsteps. There are fucking COYOTES in my damn backyard! They're just walking around, chilling at 12 o'clock at night in the fucking backyard. Wow, that's comforting to know especially since I planned on sitting on the deck to have a midnight smoke, but that idea's shot to hell. Anyway, I'm home for summer break. Go me. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. I mean, I'm glad that I'm able to hangout with Lara and Nicole all the time, but I just don't wanna deal with all this fucking drama that goes on with everybody. I'm sick of hearing and witnessing how much my "best friends" don't like me anymore because I've supposedly changed. Yes, I've grown up a bit. So sorry I'm doing the natural thing...but, I'm done worrying about it. I have my two best friends and that's all I need. On a lighter note, I had a pretty kick ass birthday and got some awesome My Chemical Romance and Starbucks goodies, not to mention a Starbucks gift card which I'll put to good use tomorrow before my drive to my grandma's in the morning. Mmm...Grande Carmel Frappachino...that's a gift from God. I also never realized just how many mugs I actually own. Lara got me an Eeyore one for my birthday and Elena got me a Jack Skellington one, so there are two more to add to my collection. While I was packing to come home I came to the conclusion that I could quite possibly use a clean mug every day for two weeks before having to wash them. That's a lot of fucking mugs. The price you pay for being a coffee junkie. And having a giant ass bag of Starbucks Columbian Roast as well as three different types of flavored coffee and two types of instant...maybe I should just assign a mug to each coffee type. Hmm, food for thought. Neurotically Yours, Play Dead Current Mood: crazy |
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